When Your Child is Diagnosed with Autism.. What Happens to You?

SadaNews - A large number of parents describe the moment they hear their child diagnosed with autism or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder as one of the hardest moments of their lives. Some feel as if the ground has been pulled from beneath them, while others leave the doctor's office convinced that there has been a mistake in the evaluation, or return home acting as if nothing has happened.

Despite the differing reactions, mental health specialists indicate that these responses are normal and understandable, even documented in scientific literature as part of the process of adapting to difficult news and not a sign of weakness or inadequacy from the family.

Denial.. A Temporary Psychological Shield

Models of grief and psychological adjustment - such as the Kübler-Ross model, which has been referenced in specialized articles supporting families of children with autism - demonstrate that denial acts as a short-term defense mechanism, protecting individuals from bearing the emotional burden of the diagnosis all at once.

Denial may manifest in various forms that parents may not notice, such as:

Seeking repeated medical opinions in hopes of hearing a different diagnosis.

Interpreting the child's behaviors as mere mischief or a slight speech delay.

Attributing what is happening to previous family traits.

Postponing specialized evaluations or starting treatment.

Avoiding discussions about the diagnosis with family and social circles.

The presence of these behaviors does not mean that the family is against the child's best interest, but rather reflects an unconscious psychological attempt to gain extra time before fully confronting the new reality.

Endless Grief.. When Pain Becomes Chronic

The story does not end with the initial shock of the diagnosis. According to a recent study published in a scientific journal affiliated with "SAGE" in 2025, many parents experience a condition described in the literature as chronic sorrow, which does not resemble conventional grief that diminishes over time.

This sorrow is linked to the gap between the life the parents envisioned for their child before the diagnosis and the new reality that imposes different challenges. The feeling may intensify at specific life milestones, such as:

The first day of school.

Birthdays.

Seeing the child's peers achieve skills or social accomplishments that their child still struggles to reach.

In these moments, parents may feel as if they are returning to the point of initial shock. Researchers affirm that this sorrow does not reflect a lack of love, but rather the opposite; it is associated with the depth of attachment and dreams that the parents have woven for their child since the moment of birth.

Mysterious Loss.. A Present Child and a Missing Future

Some psychologists refer to the concept of ambiguous loss to describe what parents of children with autism experience. The child is physically present in the arms of their family, but the complete mental picture of their future suddenly becomes ambiguous or different from what the parents had envisioned.

Recent studies on this concept clarify that the difficulty of this loss lies in the fact that it often lacks clear social acknowledgment. There is no traditional loss that prompts the community to extend condolences, and at the same time, the parents experience feelings of sorrow, anxiety, and endless open questions.

Research indicates that families do not pass through stages of grief all at once, but may return to them each time they face an event that indicates their child's developmental trajectory is diverging from their peers.

Heavy Numbers on Families' Shoulders

A systematic review published in the International Journal of Developmental Disabilities in 2024, based on analyses of several studies, found that the most common emotions among parents after their children are diagnosed with autism include shock, denial, fear, guilt, anger, and sorrow. The review also noted that:

Anxiety rates among parents may reach around one-third of families.

Depression rates are close to the same percentage.

Mothers often experience higher levels of grief, especially in the initial period after diagnosis.

A large number of participants in these studies reported that they did not receive adequate psychological or informational support during this sensitive stage, a result that was later supported by research published in scientific journals affiliated with the Nature Publishing Group.

Father and Mother.. Different Paths to Acceptance

Studies highlight a clear distinction between how mothers and fathers react to the initial shock and then their path to adjustment.

Mothers often express their feelings more openly, engaging in intensive information-seeking, reading scientific articles, and communicating with specialists and support groups, which gives them a wider understanding but may place some in a cycle of ongoing anxiety.

Many fathers tend to express their feelings indirectly; they may increase their work hours, avoid discussing the diagnosis, or focus on practical solutions and long-term plans as a way to escape emotional confrontation.

Researchers warn that both styles represent normal human responses and are not measures of love or commitment, and that both parents need safe space and ample time to absorb what is happening in a way that suits them.

When Does Denial Become a Risk to the Child?

Although denial at first may protect parents from collapse, it becomes problematic when it persists for too long or prevents the family from taking practical steps. The danger begins when denial leads to:

Delaying specialized evaluations.

Flatly rejecting the diagnosis despite clear indicators.

Postponing or refusing to start intervention programs.

Depriving the child of his educational rights and early support.

Special educators and early intervention specialists emphasize that the first months after diagnosis represent a crucial time window, as every month that passes without appropriate support may reduce the child's chances of benefiting maximally from available therapeutic and educational programs in their early years.

From Acknowledging Emotions to Taking the First Step in Intervention

The discussion about shock, denial, and chronic sorrow is not meant to add a new burden on families, but to reassure them that what they are feeling is understandable and shared among many parents around the world, and that they are not alone on this journey.

Specialists' experiences indicate that a simple step like acknowledging feelings in front of a doctor or specialist can be a turning point.

A direct phrase such as "I am still not sure about the diagnosis and I need to understand more" can open a dialogue that clarifies the picture, providing the family with more accurate information about what the diagnosis really means, what options are available for early intervention, and how to support the child without ignoring the parents' feelings of sorrow and fear.

In this way, denial transforms from a silent wall that impedes movement into a starting point for a more conscious journey, where both the child and the family are the focus of interest and support.

Source: Al Jazeera