9 Questions to Ask Your Child to Develop Their Emotional Intelligence

SadaNews - Children with emotional intelligence are better prepared for future success, but the challenge is that some of them do not learn these skills on their own.

According to a report by the American CNBC network, many adults heard phrases in their childhood like "stop crying," "calm down," or "be obedient." Over time, these messages taught them to suppress their feelings rather than understand them. Some adults and parents currently find themselves trying to teach their children emotional skills they never had the chance to learn themselves.

However, children today can develop their emotional intelligence through their daily interactions with the adults around them. The conversations they have and the questions they are asked, along with the sense of safety they feel at home, all shape their understanding of emotions.

After years of studying over 200 parent-child relationships, Reem Rauda, a leader in education and founder of BOUND and FOUNDATIONS magazines, has concluded that certain questions help children consistently build emotional awareness, resilience, and empathy.

How did your body express your feelings today?

Children often experience emotions in their bodies before they have the language to describe them. Asking this question helps children begin to notice those signals. A nervous child might mention pain in their stomach, while excitement might manifest as a flushed face or a racing heartbeat. Recognizing these sensations helps children build awareness of their emotional state.

What feeling did you experience today and what caused it?

Children gradually start to realize that feelings are linked to experiences. Emotions make sense when they can connect them to something that happened. A child might explain that they felt proud after completing a project or frustrated during an argument with a friend. These connections help them understand their emotions and respond to them more effectively.

How can you tell if someone is happy or sad?

The ability to empathize grows as children pay attention to others' feelings. This question encourages them to notice facial expressions, tone of voice, and behavior. The goal is for the child to become more aware that emotions exist not only within themselves but also in those around them, and empathy develops as children become attuned to others' feelings.

What makes you feel proud?

Many children only associate pride with winning or doing well. This question helps shift their focus to personal qualities. Children begin to recognize traits such as kindness, perseverance, and generosity as reasons to feel proud. This awareness reinforces their sense of self-worth. If they struggle to answer, gentle prompts could be used, such as:

-Are you proud of your kindness today?

-Are you proud of how serious you were in trying?

-Are you proud of helping your friend?

When you feel upset, what do you wish someone would do for you?

This question encourages children to think about their needs during difficult moments. A child might say they want a hug, someone to sit beside them, or a quiet space. Expressing these wishes helps them recognize the importance of their needs and the possibility of expressing them.

When you felt stressed today, what helped your body feel safe again?

Emotional intelligence involves learning how to calm the body during stressful moments.

Children begin to identify what works for them. Some feel better after taking deep breaths, while others calm down after talking to a parent, hugging a stuffed toy, moving their bodies, or spending a few quiet minutes alone. Recognizing these strategies helps children cope with strong emotions more confidently.

What do you tell yourself when you find something difficult?

This question introduces children to the idea of an inner voice. Young children often benefit from hearing examples of positive self-talk. Here, parents can model phrases such as:

-You can try again

-Mistakes help you learn

-You are safe

-You are doing your best

With repetition, children begin to use these phrases themselves, enhancing their ability to adapt.

How do you show someone you care about their feelings?

Children learn that empathy involves actions. Showing interest in others' feelings often manifests in simple behaviors. Children might respond to this question by saying they listen to a friend, ask them "Are you okay?", share a toy, or sit with someone who feels lonely. These daily actions help children practice kindness in tangible ways.

What makes you unique?

This question helps children think about the qualities that define their characters. Parents can mention traits such as creativity, curiosity, sense of humor, deep thinking, or bravery. Parents can also ask children which qualities they feel apply to them. Recognizing these traits supports a healthy sense of identity that is not tied to comparison or achievement.